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Woman's 'Low Maintenance' Dating Profile Is A Lie, She Has A Spreadsheet For Red Flags

Woman's 'Low Maintenance' Dating Profile Is A Lie, She Has A Spreadsheet For Red Flags
The spreadsheet has 12 tabs, color-coding, and a 'yeah, no' filter. Her therapist has seen it.

Jessica LowMaintenance claims she's 'chill' on her dating profile. Her spreadsheet says otherwise. 'I track everything,' Jessica admitted. 'Communication frequency, emoji usage, last text response time.' Her therapist has asked to 'maybe stop.' Jessica added a 'therapy' tab. 'I'm processing,' she said. Her friends have asked to see the spreadsheet. Jessica declined. 'It's private.' Her therapist is concerned.

📅 4 days ago ⏱️ 66s read #Dating#Overthinking#Satire
⚠️ Satirical Content Disclaimer:
This article is a work of satire and parody. It is entirely fictional and created for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Do not interpret this as factual news or accurate reporting.