UN Establishes Emergency Committee To Decide Whether Emoji 🙂 Means Happiness Or Passive Aggression

The United Nations Security Council convened an emergency session Thursday to address what Secretary-General Antónia Butterscotch described as 'a growing civilisational crisis' around the interpretation of the 🙂 emoji. The session, now in its 14th month, has exposed a fundamental rift among the five permanent members: the United States reads 🙂 as 'vague friendliness,' China as 'dignified acknowledgment,' France as 'cold dismissal of an inferior argument,' Russia as 'a threat,' and the United Kingdom as 'deep passive aggression that one is legally required to deploy before going silent for three weeks.' India, invited as a special observer, said 🙂 'depends entirely on the context and the relationship and honestly if you need to ask, you already know.'