Scientists Confirm That Squirrels Have Been Running a Shadow Stock Market
Acorn futures are surprisingly stable this quarter.
A leaked report from the Department of Unexplained Finance shows squirrels trading acorns, shiny objects, and stolen snacks on a hidden exchange. 'Their risk tolerance is insane,' said one economist who lost his lunch to a particularly aggressive trader. The Squirrel Exchange Commission is now under investigation for market manipulation via cheek storage.