RBI Replaces Rupee With 'Cow Points' Following Secret G20 Directive

The Reserve Bank of India unveiled its most dramatic monetary policy shift since demonetisation late Wednesday, announcing that the Indian Rupee will be replaced by a new currency unit called the Cow Point, or CP, effective the first of next month. Under the new system, salaries will be paid in CP, taxes calculated in CP, and EMIs on home loans denominated in CP with a floating exchange rate against the international Goat Standard. The Governor explained that the change was necessitated by 'macroeconomic pressures and a very interesting conversation at the G20 dinner table.' ATMs across India are being retrofitted to dispense CP vouchers. Early confusion arose when residents discovered their savings accounts now displayed balances like ₹47,500 becoming '19,000 CP and a heifer.'