Professor Dingle McTrifle Proves Toasters Are 'Secretly Judging Your Bread Choices'
The study recommends 'brownie points' for choosing whole wheat.
Professor Dingle McTrifle has published a study claiming that toasters are 'secretly judging your bread choices.' 'White bread gets a longer toast time as punishment,' McTrifle explained. 'Whole wheat gets a gentle warm.' The toaster industry denies the allegations, calling them 'half-baked.' McTrifle recommends 'appeasing your toaster with occasional bagels' and 'never mentioning gluten.' His next study will investigate whether refrigerators gossip about expired milk.