Olympic Committee Announces New Sport: Competitive Sleeping, First Event In 47 Days

The International Olympic Committee has officially recognized competitive sleeping as a legitimate Olympic sport, with the first Napping Olympics scheduled to take place in 47 days. The sport will feature five events: 'Longest Nap' (competitors must remain horizontal and unconscious for the longest duration), 'Most Dramatic Sleep Face' (judged on expressions ranging from 'peaceful transcendence' to 'existential horror'), 'Snoring Sonata' (musical quality of snoring judged on rhythm and volume), 'Quickest Fall Asleep' (starting from standing), and 'Most Creative Sleep Positions.' Athletes will be trained by former meditation masters and professional nappers. The committee has announced that gold medalists will receive $47,000 and a pillow made of 24-karat gold. Critics have noted that 'this is basically just the Olympics but lazier,' while supporters say 'finally, a sport that understands us.'