New Study Finds Walking To Work Makes You 47% More Tired Than Driving, Discovers Traffic Jams Are 'Exercise'

A groundbreaking study from the Institute of Questionable Science has found that walking to work makes you 47% more tired than driving, contrary to everything previously believed about exercise. The study, which monitored 10,000 commuters over 5 years, discovered that sitting in traffic for extended periods of time actually constitutes 'meditative movement' that burns significant calories. Researchers found that drivers who sat in 3-hour traffic jams burned an average of 400 calories per commute, compared to just 200 calories for walkers who 'just walk and don't even stress.' The lead researcher said, 'We've been lying to people about exercise. The real workout is staring at brake lights and muttering about your boss.' Participants who drove reported feeling 'exhausted but spiritually prepared for the day,' while walkers said they felt 'healthy but also annoyed about everything.'