New Study Finds People Who Talk To Themselves Are 47% More Productive, Also 200% More Confused

A comprehensive study from the Institute of Questionable Research has found that people who regularly talk to themselves are 47% more productive than those who don't, but also 200% more likely to end up in random places wondering how they got there. The study followed 1,000 participants over 5 years, monitoring their self-talk habits and productivity metrics. Researchers found that self-talkers could complete complex tasks 40% faster but would frequently stop mid-conversation with themselves to say 'wait, what was I doing?' One participant was observed saying 'Okay, grab the keys, then the wallet, then lock the door, then... hmm, where am I going again?' before leaving with neither keys nor wallet. The lead researcher concluded, 'Self-talk is extremely effective, but you might end up standing in your driveway for 20 minutes questioning your existence.'