New Service Offers To Argue With Your Family Members For You, Costs $47 Per Hour

The Family Peacekeepers Agency has launched a revolutionary service: sending professional arguers to handle your family disputes so you don't have to. For $47 per hour, the agency will send trained 'Conflict Specialists' to any family gathering to take over all arguing responsibilities. The specialists are trained in topics like politics, religion, and 'who got the bigger piece of pie' disputes. One client said, 'My uncle has been arguing with my mother for 30 years. Now we pay Dave from Family Peacekeepers $200 to argue with him, and my mom gets to enjoy her pie.' The agency guarantees that their arguers will win at least 70% of family disputes or your money back. They also offer a 'Peace Package' where they show up and simply change the subject whenever things get heated.