New Service Offers 'Professional Excuse Makers' For People Who Want Better Lies

The Truth-Be-Damned Agency has launched a service providing professional excuse creation for people who want more believable lies. For $47 per excuse, trained 'Situation Fabricators' will create detailed, verifiable stories for any social scenario. Examples include 'I can't make your party because I'm helping my cousin move, here's his address and his phone number (both fake),' and 'I can't lend you money because I just donated it all to this verified charity (that we invented).' The agency guarantees their excuses work 94% of the time, with a 'money-back if caught' policy. One client said, 'I used the dog ate my homework excuse for 20 years. Now I have a 5-page backstory that includes veterinary records.' The agency also offers an 'Alibi Package' for $497 that provides full-day coverage including fake receipts, photos, and fake witnesses.