Minimalist Declares War On Socks, Declares They'll Only Own Two Pairs For 'Maximum Efficiency'

Minimalism advocate Gary Empty has declared a personal war on socks, announcing that he will own only two pairs for the rest of his life to achieve 'maximum laundry efficiency.' Gary, who previously reduced his possessions from 2,000 to 47 items, says socks were his final nemesis. 'Two pairs, that's it. One for wearing, one for washing. The universe works in pairs, this is science.' His system requires him to hand-wash his socks every evening and dry them with a hair dryer for exactly 47 minutes. Friends who visit report finding Gary in 'a meditative state,' meticulously rotating his socks. His manifesto, titled 'The Sock Solution,' has sold 100,000 copies, with readers praising his 'bold stance against the tyranny of textile abundance.' Critics call him 'absolutely unhinged,' but Gary responds, 'Your mess is your problem, I have two socks and I'm happy.'