Mayor Soggy Socks Declares All Traffic Lights 'Suggestions' Not 'Commands'
The city has seen a 400% increase in 'interpretive driving' and a 1000% increase in 'oops.'
Mayor Soggy Socks has declared traffic lights 'optional guidelines.' 'Red means 'pause and reflect,'' the mayor explained. 'Green means 'consider proceeding.''' Intersections have become 'existential crossroads' where drivers sit for minutes, contemplating choices. 'I've been at this light for an hour,' one driver said. 'What does it really mean to stop?' The mayor is now considering making stop signs 'suggestions for slower thinking.'