Mayor Soggy Socks Declares All Elevators 'Time Machines' Because 'They Take You To Different Floors, Which Are Different Times'
'The fifth floor is the future,' the mayor explained. 'The basement is the past. Don't think about it too hard.'
Mayor Soggy Socks has officially declared elevators to be time machines. 'Each floor is a different era,' the mayor explained. 'The lobby is the present. The third floor is 1997.' Citizens report 'existential confusion' when visiting friends. 'I went to the sixth floor and aged 40 years,' one resident said. 'Or maybe I'm just tired.' The mayor is now considering declaring escalators 'moving sidewalks of destiny.'