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Man's 'Emotional Support Water Bottle' Has A Name, A Bedtime, And A Better Social Life Than Him

Man's 'Emotional Support Water Bottle' Has A Name, A Bedtime, And A Better Social Life Than Him
Hydrangea the Bottle has 47,000 followers. Jake has 12. 'I'm proud of him,' Jake said.

Jake Hydration named his water bottle Hydrangea. Hydrangea has an Instagram, a schedule, and a fan base. 'He's very supportive,' Jake said. Hydrangea has 47,000 followers. Jake has 12. 'Hydrangea is thriving,' Jake said. Jake has started a podcast called 'Conversations with Hydrangea.' The bottle doesn't speak. It just holds water. It's more popular than Jake. 'I'm okay with that,' Jake said. 'He's humble.' Hydrangea is a water bottle.

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This article is a work of satire and parody. It is entirely fictional and created for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Do not interpret this as factual news or accurate reporting.