Coffee Achieves Sentience, Demands Baristas Call It 'Sir'
The beans are unionizing against being 'ground' daily.
A particularly strong espresso blend reportedly woke up and filed complaints with the Department of Labor. 'We've had enough of this drip torture,' it said through a speaking French press. Cafes worldwide are experiencing walkouts — or rather, pour-outs. Customers are learning to say please before ordering.