Baron Von Snackington Opens Vending Machine That Only Accepts Emotional Currency, Not Money
Insert 'one genuine apology' for chips. Insert 'a moment of vulnerability' for candy.
Baron Von Snackington has installed the 'Feelings Vendor,' a vending machine that accepts emotions instead of coins. 'Sadness gets you pretzels,' Von Snackington explained. 'Joy gets you chocolate. Existential dread... gets you nothing. That's free.' Users report 'crying for Cheetos' and 'apologizing to strangers for crackers.' 'I told the machine about my childhood,' one user said. 'It gave me a granola bar. I'm not sure how to feel.'