Aadhaar Now Linked To Everything Including, Apparently, The User's Karma

The Unique Identification Authority of India announced Tuesday that Aadhaar cards will now be linked to the user's Karmic Ledger — a new database that tracks spiritual merit and demerit accumulated since birth, calibrated against 'actions, intentions, and any instances of jumping a queue at a government office.' The system, built on a blockchain described as 'immutable and cosmic,' assigns each citizen a Karma Score from 0 to 1000, with scores below 400 triggering automatic scrutiny of subsidy eligibility and scores above 750 unlocking 'expedited processing, better traffic, and what we are calling gentle universal alignment.' The linking deadline is March 31. A helpline has been set up for citizens who wish to dispute their score. The hold music is the Mahabharata.